An Open Letter to the Man Who Ended my Mother: What's the ending for you?

First, there is no way to grieve perfectly. The stages don't come in order and the kick off to the Holiday season, Thanksgiving will never be the same for us. People tell me to get over it, let it go, and that nothing can be done. Surprise! That is not an option for me. There are so many things that I wish I could go back in time to change. Since Doc and Marty are booked up, I am focusing on how we move forward and how we get justice for a woman who would do anything to get justice for the ones she loved. This may be triggering to some, you may not agree with what I say, but I know my truth. Can you accept yours?

To the man who took my mother away,

She never should have left home to begin with. She always had a home with me. From the beginning, when you entered our lives, I knew you were trouble. We all did. Your inappropriate sexual innuendos, the manner in which you spoke to your own children, and your lack of respect for the people around you. How could she be so blind by this type of love? How could she place all of her trust in you? The hardest part is that people like you have the ability to put a spell on people. Your ability to convince them that they are your world is a true skill. You raise them up to tear them down. Telling the world how money does not matter yet, making her feel worthless because she wasn't "contributing enough". Your vices made her looser her stability. You made her lose her home. She did everything for you and your children without a second thought. It was taken for granted. She put her dreams aside to make sure you had what you "deserved". You certainly did not deserve her kindness, love, and comfort. You helped destroy a woman trying to live her best life. She always went with the flow. After she lost everything, you made it seem like a fairytale ending was on the horizon. You planned on returning to your childhood home to help your parents when really you were waiting for them to pass so you could take advantage of their assets. You made it very clear what your intentions were. Did you ever take into consideration the weight of your words and how they could later work against you? Everyone saw it, everyone felt it, and you made everyone feel uneasy. My mother could not leave without your heavy burden of guilt hanging over her head. It was the perfect storm. She was isolated and hours away from the people who needed her the most. She put all of her faith and trust in the fact you would keep her safe, love her, respect her, and take care of her in sickness and health, even though you were not married. Till the day of her death she put her needs last and you on a pedestal. I hope your holidays are as sad as ours. If you even remember what day she left this earth for good. That's the thing about Thanksgiving, it's a different day every year. I now have the heavy burden of Thanksgiving and November 29th. Even after her departure, you did nothing. You made a spectacle of yourself. Instead of trying to help, you selfishly asked if I thought she was waiting for you and if she was proud of you. Everyone grieves differently, but in the midst of your sorrow, you said a lot and you made statements that showed your guilt and lack of appropriate action. Those statements have stayed with the people who heard them, they were hard to un-hear. She was an amazing mother, grandmother, and friend. You stole that from the people that truly loved her. There is a permanent hole in the hearts of my children because they don't understand why she's not here. They don't understand why you disappeared. You were the last tie they had to Mommom, but now they ask why you didn't try and save her, and why you stopped being Poppop. How can it be explained to such young children who now feel they've lost their whole family? You told me I'm just looking for someone to blame. Someone with genuine intentions, care and, love for the people they consider family, in my opinion, would do everything in their power to get to the bottom of the situation, answer important questions and push to keep a family together. What happened? Why did all of the responsibility fall on me? Why am I now the one who carries the heartache and pain? Why am I still cleaning up your mess? Is it because you are a coward? Or, is it easier to just act as if nothing happened? If you cared, if you were totally innocent, your actions would show through regardless of the pain you felt in your heart. Our lives are changed forever and I hope that yours is too. I hope that she comes and visits you from the other side and you feel that uneasy, sick feeling. I pray one day the guilt will build and something will change. Your ability to manipulate is incredible. Lucky for you, since you weren't physically there you got off easy. You come from a life where it's easier to deflect the truth than to take responsibility. Since your family is highly respected in your area...you got lucky. You get to freely live your life like nothing happened. We got a life sentence...A life of grief and unanswered questions. It feels like being trapped in a jail cell. I hope you can feel that one day. I will never stop fighting for my mother because she would never stop fighting for me.

The truth will set you free.

For anyone suffering from grief especially around the Holidays-YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You can find many helpful resources through the following links. NAMI Baltimore also offers virtual and in-person support groups that are 100% free and extremely beneficial.

https://health.maryland.gov/bha/Pages/Grief-and-Loss-Resources.aspx

(Grief and Loss Resources Maryland)